


We Run So Hot

by CloudHop



Series: pick me (nayana) [12]
Category: JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, Other, Pining, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-04-25 05:17:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14371713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloudHop/pseuds/CloudHop
Summary: Donghan makes a mistake and then some.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi folks, it's been awhile. this is a big wip and takes place hella down the line in the au. there's a lot of implied stuff, but eventually it'll make sense. probs.

Going in, it didn’t really feel like a mistake. It was the logical turn of events, it seemed like a good idea. Donghan scoffs and runs a hand through his hair. It’s stiffer than usual, rough from bleach and dye. He almost regrets it. Taehyun will be able to pick up that something is wrong straight away. It’s the hair, like usual, a dead giveaway. It’s blonde this time, his go-to color when he’s feeling particularly down.

Donghan presses hard on the barely there hickey, faded already, even though it’s only been four days. He should’ve been smarter. He knew Taehyun was in love with Sungwoon, only Sungwoon, but when they had approached him together…smiles gentle and eyes warm…how could he say no? The morning after, all he was left with was an unshakable coldness and the sounds of regret ringing in his ears.

He shakes his head, tries to rid himself of any thoughts and takes a last steadying breath as he pushes open the door. There are a few familiar faces, students from his high school both older and younger. He’s in second year of university now and already half through his own personal self-destruction. Taedong waves him down in the corner. Taehyun hasn’t even seemed to notice him.

“So…” Taedong starts. Donghan shifts. “Blonde, huh?”

He coughs. “Yeah.” His eyes remain downcast. He can feel Taedong’s stare.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

Taedong is silent for a while. It feels like hours. “Four days ago…when you said you couldn’t hang out. You were…”

Donghan could almost laugh. “Yeah.”

The silence returns.

“I thought you were…past that. You know, over him.”

Donghan does crack a smile at that one, but it’s full of disdain.  “I did too.”

Taedong is about to reply when Taehyun starts shouting.

“C’mon everybody! Practice is starting!”

The two line up and Taedong shoots him, what Donghan suspects, is a particularly pitying gaze. He tries four more times to make eye contact. Donghan resolutely avoids them.

He loses himself to dance, to the brutal choreography that Taehyun has designed for them. By the end of practice his shirt is drenched with sweat and his hair is matted from how many times he’s run his hand through it. From the looks of it, everybody has fared just about the same. Even Taehyun looks exhausted.

“Good practice!” he huffs. Donghan is tempted to go talk to him, to acknowledge what happened over the past few tortuous days where the only thing holding him back from calling was his stubborn sense of pride.

He’s just about to take a step when he sees a familiar minty head. Sungwoon. He dyed his hair one week ago. It’s still vibrant. It makes Donghan dizzy. When he sees Taehyun lean in he forces himself to look away. He feels it, the crushing anxiety. He wants to throw up.

“Hey.”

A firm hand grips his bicep and jolts him out of his own head.

“Hey,” it repeats. Donghan swallows and turns. Taedong. He drags Donghan out rough. They don’t even wave. It’s a silent walk to their usual café. When they finally sit, cold drinks in hand, Donghan opens his mouth.

“…hyung?”

Taedong blinks slowly. “Yes?”

Donghan takes a slow sip of his drink. The coffee is bitter, just enough to jolt him awake. “What’s wrong with me?”

Taedong’s eyebrows draw together. “Nothing Donghan-ah.”

“But Taehyun-hyung doesn’t…isn’t…you know. What is it? It’s me, right? It has to be me.”

Taedong huffs out a laugh. “It’s not you Donghan, really, it’s not. You’re handsome and smart and amazing. He’s not interested because he’s been desperately in love with Sungwoon for years.”  
The words are meant to be comforting, but they’re still isolating. “Hyung.”

“Yes?”

“Will you…” Donghan is afraid to say it. He’s afraid to even ask. He runs a hand through his hair. Still sweaty. Taedong tilts his head.

“Never mind,” Donghan finishes. From the expression on Taedong’s face, it’s clear he wants an answer, but he knows Donghan well enough to not push. “So…what about you? Anything new?”

Taedong’s face of worry morphs immediately, eyes crinkling up and smile wide.

“Look at this new picture of us!” he gushes, shoving his phone right under Donghan’s nose. “Beautiful, right?”

Donghan nods absentmindedly. “Yeah, it’s…” His eyes struggle to make sense of the blurry photo. “Really nice.”

“I know! I can’t wait to go on another date.” Taedong’s smile is so big and Donghan can’t bring himself to mention that he still knows nothing about this mysterious significant other. He’s thought about it before, they all have, but a consensus was reached. If Taedong is happy, then they’re all happy.

It doesn’t stop him from wondering though. He doesn’t even know their gender. Or their name. Or anything about them other than they’re apparently very beautiful, intelligent, and altogether perfect. He tries again to make sense of the picture, and if he squints just right, he can almost see a smile in the pixelated mass.

“Listen, why don’t we go out this weekend?” Taedong suggests. Donghan shrugs.

“Aren’t you supposed to be going on a date?”

“Yeah, on Sunday though. Saturday is free. We could grab lunch, hang out, you know. Take your mind off…things.”  
“…okay.”

“You know you can talk to me about anything Donghan-ah, right?”

“I know.” Donghan bites at his lip. “I…I have to go do homework.”

“Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then, right?”

“Right.”  
Donghan gets up to exit. He feels Taedong’s eyes on him, but he doesn’t turn back.

\----  
At 10:02 PM exactly, he gets a call from Taehyun.

“Donghannie,” he hums. “Why’s your hair all blonde?”

The question makes Donghan nervous despite the fact that he’s been expecting it all day.

“I’m just…having a hard time.”  
Donghan can practically hear Taehyun frown.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” He’s silent for a moment. “Do you need me to beat someone up?”

Donghan huffs out a laugh. If only he knew. “Nah, hyung. It’d be impossible anyways.”

Donghan can tell Taehyun is thinking, analyzing, trying to distinguish how exactly it’s impossible to force a confrontation.

“Is it…somebody we know?”

Donghan laughs again, dry and humorless. “You could say that.”  
The cogs are still turning. “I…” He’s getting closer. Donghan knows Taehyun will figure out because of course he will.

“Is it…Donghan. Is it me?”

Donghan stops breathing. He knew Taehyun would be able to piece together everything, but it still makes his throat clogged and his stomach heavy. He brings his phone away from his ear and stares down at it.

“Donghan? Are you there?”

He swallows. His heart is beating at a breakneck speed. He doesn’t know what else to do, what to say, how to respond. Or maybe he does. Taehyun’s voice is a tiny buzz, barely noticeable. The red button to end the call is so easy to press. He ignores the returning call, and then the next, and the next after that. Eventually he silences his phone altogether.

Donghan falls back onto his bed with a groan and stares at the ceiling until he finally succumbs to sleep. The morning seems so far away, but still, Donghan longs to make the night longer. He dreams of thousands of phones, all buzzing with Taehyun’s voice, a mantra of “Is it me?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> knock knock knock knock  
> knock on my door
> 
> donghan has a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo, sorry that it's been such a long wait. i was busy with school and finals. but now i'm done because i graduated. i'll try to be more regular in updates now

When he wakes up Donghan is tempted to believe it was only a dream. He didn’t really admit to Taehyun that _he_ was the root of his problems, there’s no way, Donghan is too smart for that. Or at least that’s what he thought. Before he slept with Taehyun. And Sungwoon. At the same time. Expecting a good outcome. Hindsight is always 20/20.

It’s only 8:00 AM but Donghan is already itching for a drink. He feels jittery with a touch of manic exhaustion from tossing and turning all night. It turns out that pitiful confessions over the phone don’t do much in the way of helping with sleep. Alcohol would mellow him out, or at least that’s what he tells himself.

He’s just about to heave himself out of bed and into his liquor cabinet when he hears a harsh knock. There’s only one person who could show up this early and it’s really not who he wants to talk to right now. In fact, it’s the person he least likely wants to see for at least three weeks. He wonders if answering the door with an open beer is too pathetic. It still doesn’t stop him from retrieving one from the fridge and popping it open. He takes a slow swig and steels his heart.

“Hello, Taehyun.” Another gulp.

“…is that beer?”

“No,” he lies. It’s mostly just to annoy Taehyun because the label is _right there_ , and he’s really making no effort to cover it up at all.

“You can’t drink this early in the morning Donghan-ah.”

“I can do whatever I want,” he replies petulantly. “I’m an adult.”

“You aren’t acting like one.”

Donghan wrinkles his nose. God, he really is feeling obnoxious. “Whatever. You can’t tell me what to do.”

Taehyun’s silence tastes like success, or maybe that’s just his beer.

“…yah…just let me come in.”

Donghan frowns again but steps to the side. Taehyun brushes past him and Donghan can’t help but tense and hold his breath when their chests brush together. It takes Taehyun no time at all to seat himself on Donghan’s somewhat lumpy couch. Donghan follows him reluctantly, hands tightening around his drink.

“So. Donghan-ah,” Taehyun starts. Donghan stares at him awkwardly, still standing. Taehyun frowns and pats the couch. “C’mere. Sit.”

There’s no room to argue, so Donghan does.

“Listen…so…I know that you’ve been…unhappy.”  
“I’m not unhappy, hyung, I’m just-”

“Let me finish.” Taehyun closes his eyes for a moment, a sign of his growing annoyance. “Somebody told me,”  
“ _Who_ -”

“Donghan, stop interrupting me.”

Donghan huffs and lifts the bottle to his lips. Empty. Shit.

“I should’ve been more sensitive, should’ve paid more attention,” Taehyun frowns. “I didn’t know that…you…”  
“Taehyun,” he whines. “Don’t…”  
“I just…” Taehyun looks regretful. “I’m in love with Sungwoon. You know that…right?”

Donghan wants to die. “I know.” Because he does. Everybody knows.

“It’s not that you’re…there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s me, really, it is. Me and my…thing for Sungwoon.”  
“I know,” Donghan whispers, but Taehyun is talking with the full force of an oncoming train. There’s no cutting him off now.  
“I mean, you saw in high school. I was stupidly in love with him, you know? I spent years just thinking about what it would be like to be with him and have him like me in the same way and-”

“I know, shit, I _know_ ,” Donghan hisses. Taehyun stops. Donghan scowls and slams his empty bottle on his dingy coffee table.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that it would make you angr-”

“I’m not fuckin’ angry,” he scowls. Donghan shuts his eyes. “Fuck, shit.” A deep breath. “I’m not angry,” he repeats.

“Right. You’re not angry.”

“Right.”

Donghan stares at the empty beer bottle, droplets have pooled at the bottom and started seeping into the wood. He hopes it won’t damage.

“I’m…I need another drink. You want anything?”

“Just, um, water,” Taehyun says. He won’t look at Donghan. Frustrating.

“Okay. I’ll…I’ll be back.”

Donghan moves to his tiny kitchen, it’s almost homey, in a sad sort of way. He considers getting another beer but decides against it. He doesn’t want to deal with even more of Taehyun’s judgement. He can still feel it emanating from Taehyun, coming off in gross heavy waves. Donghan wishes he could shake it all free, like a dog shaking off water.

He sighs and retrieves a glass and a mug and fills them both with water. He only has one of each. He’ll let Taehyun choose. Taehyun’s eyes are fixed on the puddle of water underneath the bottle.

“Here.” Donghan holds out the water.

“Only one glass?”  
“Yeah.”

He gestures towards it and Donghan hands it over. Even though Donghan needed the drink it’s Taehyun who downs the whole glass in one go. Donghan sips at his mug slowly and stares straight into the water.

“…what do you want from me, Donghan?”  
Donghan smiles wryly.

“You don’t want to know that, hyung.”  
“…what can I do for you then? To make you happier.”

“You don’t want to know that either.”

The words are unspoken but Donghan is sure Taehyun understands.

“…I…I can’t…is there anything else?”  
Donghan is so very very tempted to say no, to be petty and spiteful and so icy that Taehyun will leave out of sheer frustration. He can feel it to start forming in his mouth but chokes it down.

“I…” he trails off. There’s a part of Donghan that will always be spiteful and jealous and mean, but he isn’t willing to lose Taehyun just yet. There’s still the hope that maybe he’ll get over Taehyun one day, that they can go back to being normal friends.

“…cake.”

“Okay.” Taehyun doesn’t even hesitate.

“I like chocolate.” He only eats chocolate when he’s feeling extra self-pitying. Taehyun knows too.

“Of course.”

Donghan stands and Taehyun seems to take the hint. It’s time for him to go. Donghan’s hand is already itching to call Taedong.

“I’ll bring it tomorrow, okay?” Taehyun says as they walk to Donghan’s front door.

“Okay.” He clenches his fist immediately after. Shit. He shouldn’t have said that.

Tomorrow is Sunday. There’ll be no Taedong tomorrow to comfort him. Before he can take it back though, Taehyun is already out the door.

“Bye,” he calls. All Donghan can do is wave and curse himself at his panicked answer. In the same beat, the door clicks shut and Donghan pulls out his phone.

It only takes one ring for Taedong to pick up.

“…hey,” Donghan starts.

“…on my way.” Taedong is a good friend. The call ends. Only 15 seconds long, but Taedong doesn’t need any longer to understand him. Donghan heads back to his couch and settles himself right in the middle. His phone rings two minutes later, the annoying ringtone he has set for only one person.

“Sangyun-hyung.”

He settles himself into his seat and draws his legs up to his chest. Somehow Sanggyun always seems to call at the right time too, eager to fill all the moody silences when Donghan gets lost in his own head.

“Hi Donghan-ah. So, today, I’m supposed to be going on a date with Hyunbin, right? And I’m thinking I should bring him a gift, flowers or some shit, right?”

Donghan zones out as Sanggyun prattles on about Hyunbin and dates and how to be a good boyfriend. The chatter is calming and Donghan wonders how Sanggyun knows when to call to fill up the silence. It’s a newly acquired skill and Donghan still can’t figure out how he does it. He can’t help but smile softly as Sanggyun rambles, and then, as if he’s on a timer, the one-sided conversation is over.

“Bye, Donghannie,” he says. “Tell Taedong-ah I say hi, okay?”

And before Donghan can ask how he knows that Taedong is coming, Sanggyun hangs up. He stares at his phone blankly. This is becoming too much of a regular pattern, Sanggyun calling when Donghan is upset. He’s sure Taedong must be the one tipping him off, but before he can really think about it, there’s a knock at his door.

He answers it with a smile. “Hey.”

Taedong smiles back. “Hey.”

The door clicks closed quietly behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for your patience. please wait for the next chapter! i'll do my best


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rap rap swag swag rap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that it has been so long. i have been very busy. thank you for your patience

“Sanggyun-hyung says hi,” Donghan starts, not even glancing back to see if Taedong is following him. He knows he is, there’s no need to check.

“Ah, good. Him and Hyunbin-ah are doing good.”

“Seems like it.” Donghan reclaims his spot on the couch. “Talked to them recently?”

“I’m thirsty,” Taedong muses. He raises his eyes to Donghan’s level and tilts his head. “Hm? Did you say something?”

Donghan is surprised his eyes don’t roll into the back of his head. Taedong has a particularly annoying habit of having selective hearing. “Sanngyun. Hyunbin. Heard from them?”

“Oh. Um, no. Not really. Why? Have you talked to them?”

Donghan’s eyes narrow. “I’m thirsty,” Taedong repeats. Donghan stands to fetch some water, face still skeptical.  
“Then how does Sanggyun-hyung always…? Well…never mind.”

He runs over the glass with a soapy sponge and then rinses it under warm water. He fills it up again with water and heads back over to Taedong.

“How…how are you, Donghan? Like, really, how are you?”

Donghan sighs. “It’s hard. It’s just so hard sometimes, you know?”

Taedong sips slowly and nods.

“And no matter what I do, I just can’t get over him. Why can’t he just be mean? Why can’t he be a dick so I can just forget all about him?”

Taedong’s eyes waver. Donghan is sure he’s holding in his pity.

“But then he goes and he’s nice and he does things like apologize, and hug me, and tell me that we’re friends. I mean, he’s bringing me cake, Taedong. He…I’m never going to get over him, Taedong. What am I _doing_?”

He’s red in the face and his nails are sunk deep into his palms. He takes a few calming breaths and waits for Taedong to speak.

“Listen,” Taedong starts. Donghan is almost certain it’ll be some long-winded reassurance of why they’re friends. He’s not quite in the mood for it.

“I know, we’re friends, I love you, yeah yeah.”

“Okay.” Taedong falls silent, but his silence says it all. They spend the rest of the day binging through a trashy drama where the girl has four suitors and, in a dramatic twist ending, turns them all down to become a businesswoman. Eventually, Donghan’s redness recedes and the crescent moons on his palms disappear.

As the night inches towards midnight, he insists Taedong sleep over and they’re both fast asleep in the next hour. The next morning consists mainly of Taedong giving Donghan a tight hug and then stumbling out of his home.

“Get home safe,” he calls. Taedong waves over his shoulder and Donghan closes his door.

\----  
Donghan’s world expands after Taedong’s visit at his own accord. He spends hours video calling with Kenta and they talk until the time difference pulls them apart.

_“I’ll be back soon, Donghan-ah,” Kenta reassures. Donghan knows it’s true, it’s only a matter of time until Kenta starts his university study abroad program._

Hyunbin starts dragging him to model events, but only when Sanggyun isn’t free. Donghan wears his nicest suits and chats with the other plus ones in a corner. Shihyun comes over and makes him soup and cookies, and sometimes, even Yongguk tags along. Donghan is smart enough to avoid mentioning the tension between them.

Dance practices get easier too. It still sucks, seeing Taehyun and Sungwoon together, but he feels stronger these days. Taedong is always by his side and Taehyun bought him that cake that he asked for, so there’s really not much more he can ask for in his current situation.

On a sleepy Saturday night, when Hyunbin is at a fashion show and Kenta is hanging out with other friends and Taedong is on a date, Donghan is finally dragged out to Sanggyun’s underground rapping club, or whatever it is.

“I’m A-Tom down here, okay?” Sanggyun reminds him.

“Yeah yeah, whatever.”

“Seriously, Donghan.”

“Okay okay, _A-Tom_.”

Sanggyun smiles before adjusting his hat and pulling his mask over his mouth.  
“You too,” he insists. Donghan complies and they enter the empty subway station. Donghan is tempted, just like last time, to leave immediately. It’s loud and crowded and there’s a throng of people surrounding a duo.

“That’s Bobby,” Sanggyun points. Donghan’s eyes fall onto an uncovered face.

“He doesn’t wear a mask?”

“Nah, he’s too cocky. Been here too long.”

Bobby has a bit of an overbite that reminds Donghan of a bunny. It’s about the only thing cute about him. It seems the overbite doesn’t affect his pronunciation or his speed. Donghan figures he’s practiced a lot.

“Look, there’s Metamong.” Sanggyun makes a gesture towards the rapper opposite Bobby. He’s short with innocent looking eyes, but he’s holding his own against the veteran.

“And…who’s that?”  
“Y’know, Euiwoong. The one who was running for student council president.”

Donghan’s eyebrows shoot up.

“He’s so…I…” Donghan trails off, respect saturating his tone.

Behind Euiwoong is a poorly disguised Woo Jinyoung. His mouth may be covered, but his cotton candy hair sticks out in the sea of bandanas and black.

“Just how many people do I know here?” Donghan mutters.

“Mm…well…there’s Woo Jinyoung and Euiwoong…Daniel and Ong are usually here somewhere. Ong likes the atmosphere and Daniel would jump through fire to be with him. Namhyung and Dongsu are here too most of the time…”

“That’s a lot of people, hyung.”  
“There’s probably more in all honesty.”

The two settle somewhere near the back of the crowd and Donghan takes another moment to check out the participants.

“That’s I.M. over there with Joo-Honey, they call themselves The Clan or some bull.”  
Donghan barks out a laugh. “What kind of garbage rap name is Joo-Honey?”  
“Hey, that guy has mad talent, even if his name sucks.”

Donghan’s eyes wander further.

“That’s Ravi, he’s pretty quiet. He doesn’t come around often either.”

Sanggyun points to a duo. “Over there is Heize and Dean.” Neither have masks and Donghan is struck by their attractiveness.  
“First girl I’ve seen down here.” It’s not too surprising to Donghan, it doesn’t exactly seem like a friendly environment, but Sanggyun almost seems to take personal offence.  
“Hey, there are plenty girls here. KittiB is around and Jessi. There’s Cheetah and CL too. See? Girls.”

Donghan’s eyes start searching for them but it seems he doesn’t have the time. The battle between Euiwoong and Bobby ends and Donghan spots Euiwoong migrating back over to Jinyoung.

“My turn.” Sanggyun says, prior conversation forgotten. He adjusts his snapback and heads towards the center. There’s an MC filling up the silence inbetween the battle. Donghan hadn’t even noticed.

Donghan watches as Sanggyun pushes his way towards Bobby, eyes steely. He follows until he’s standing right at the rim of the circle, a front row view.

“Who’s this?” He nods at Donghan. “Thought you had a boyfriend A-Tom. Getting some side ass?”  
Donghan chokes and Sanggyun scoffs. “Don’t be sour that B.I. isn’t interested.”

The room falls silent and Bobby’s smirk slides off his face.

“Hey, we’re just friends, okay? A mutual decision,” he scowls. B.I. looks uncomfortable, like this is a sore spot. From the look in Bobby’s eyes, it probably is. Donghan tries to get into Sanggyun’s rap, to immerse himself in the energy, but he ends up falling just short. He tries to catch Euiwoong’s eyes, then Jinyoung after his failure. Neither of them get even close to glancing his way, too invested in the performance.

The rapping turns to buzzing, then just to white noise. Donghan continues scoping out the crowd, most of them are bobbing their heads along with the beat, but then Donghan spots them. It’s a small group, three or four people, tucked away in a corner. They’re krumping, sharp and energetic, perfectly in time.

Donghan spots him first. His face is covered by a mask, but Donghan can see just a hint of his eyes. It’s Taehyun, he’s sure of it. He chances a look back at Sanggyun. He doesn’t seem close to being done, but Donghan is. It’s hard to breathe all of a sudden, the room is too loud, and the air is too thick. He pushes his way out of the crowd and stumbles towards the stairs, ripping off the face mask and gasping for fresh air.

He’s not sure how much time passes as he’s in the stairwell. He takes a seat when his head starts to spin and focuses on his inhalations. Eventually, a figure wanders out and spots him.

“Fuckin’ _shit,_ Donghan! I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Ah, Sanggyun.

“Sorry, I…I wasn’t feeling too good. I had to get some air.”  
“Shit, check your messages Donghan-ah. I thought you had gotten kidnapped or some shit.”

Donghan pulls out his phone and winces. 4 missed calls and 26 unopened texts.

“I…I saw him.”

Sanggyun’s eyebrows draw close. “Taehyun-ah never comes down here…”

“I saw him, Sanggyun, I did.”

Sanggyun bites at his lip. “Maybe you only _think_ you saw him…”

“No, I did. It was him, I can recognize him anywhere.

“Are you sure you aren’t just…seeing him everywhere? Because of…you know…”

Donghan closes his eyes and takes a slow breath. His knuckles are white, hand balled up in a fist.

“I’m going home.”

Donghan stands up and shoves his hands in his pockets before turning on his heel and starting up the stairs.

“Donghan, I wasn’t trying to upset you, I just, Donghan, come back, please.”

“Don’t follow me,” Donghan finishes. He can feel Sanggyun’s eyes on the back of his head, but he refuses to turn around. The night air is cool with an unpleasant bite and Donghan clenches his teeth. He takes out his phone and swipes through all the missed messages from Sanggyun.

_1:02 A.M. Me: Hey, can you come get me_

_1:05 A.M. Taedong: where are you_

_1:06 A.M. Me: Rap place with Sanggyun_

_1:08 A.M. k. coming._

Donghan shivers. He hopes Taedong gets here soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed it. please comment if you'd like


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donghan wants advice, but he's sort of out of options

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo mayo, look what i did. i wrote a chapter. this was one was pretty fun. sorry i posted a triple h fic first, i was just feeling so inspired.

“It’s like he’s _haunting_ me, Taedong,” Donghan huffs. He rubs his hands together again in a desperate attempt to get warm. “Everywhere I go, Taehyun is just… _there_.”

“Mm.”

It’s not much of a reply, but Donghan figures Taedong is just focusing on the road. His eyes are bloodshot behind his frames and his hair is messy, like he just rolled out of bed and into the car.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” Donghan apologizes. It’s the third time this night.

“It’s fine Donghan-ah. Honestly. We’re friends. I’m here for you.”

Taedong takes a moment to flash him a tired smile at a red light. Donghan can’t help but grin back. His phone buzzes again on his knee.

“Gonna answer that?”

“No.”

He’s sure it’s Sanggyun, or maybe, if he’s extra unlucky, it’s Hyunbin, ready to scold him for being mean to his boyfriend. Or, even worse, the ultimate unlucky draw, it’s Taehyun. Donghan shivers. There’s just no good outcome.

The rest of the drive is silent. Taedong doesn’t turn on the radio, an uncommon occurrence. He looks just a little too dazed, like the music would shock him awake unpleasantly.

“We’re here,” he mumbles as they pull up to Donghan’s home. Donghan considers inviting Taedong up, but he knows better. Taedong wouldn’t say no, and then he’d be sleepless because of Donghan, _again._

“Goodnight Taedong-ah.”

“G’night Donghannie.”

The night air is still crisp as Donghan unlocks his door. He only hears the distant rumble of an engine when he’s safely inside.

\----

He decides he should call Sanggyun back in the morning. The phone rings twice before it’s answered.

“Hello?” he starts.

“What do you want?”

It’s not Sanggyun’s voice.

“Ah…I’m sorry…”

“My _boyfriend_ was really worried about _you_ last night.” A pause. “You dick.” Yup, there it is.

“I’m sorry I hurt Sanggyun-hyung’s feelings.”  
“What a shitty apology.”  
“I…It was so loud and there were so many people and I thought I saw, no I did, I saw Taehyun…”

He scrapes a hand over his face. “I’m…tell him I’m sorry. I was just so…ugh.”

There’s silence and Donghan considers hanging up.

“It’s okay.” It’s quiet and a little hard to hear, but there’s no doubt it’s Sanggyun’s voice. Donghan smiles. It turned out okay, he always knew it would.

“So, like...” The voice has switched back to Hyunbin. “Listen…it’s been great talking to you.”  
“Yeah…?”  
“And like, thanks for apologizing to Sanggyun. But like, it’s er…we gotta…”  
“You…you assholes. Don’t you dare, don’t hang up on me-”

“We…we need to go, uhhh, yeah, busy busy…”  
“You shits, you’re gonna hang up to go have sex aren’t you, don’t do it, don’t you dare-”

“No, of course not! We wouldn’t do that to you, c’mon, have a little respe-”

“God fucking dammit,” he curses as the line goes dead. They’re going to have sex. He knows it. He remembers having that sometimes. It was so great, he was a big fan-

He shakes his head and scrubs another hand over his face. He is so tired.

“I am, ugh, I’m so done.”

Maybe it’s time to hang out with a new crowd. He can’t exist only knowing Taehyun, Sanggyun, Hyunbin, Kenta, and Taedong. He loves them, a lot, but there’s more to life than just being joyful with them.

He considers his options. Who’d be up for a fun time? Autumn crimes, autumn rhymes. You know. Fun.  
“Hm, maybe I should hang out with a different couple. See some perspective.”

He pulls up the number of the longest lasting couple he’s ever seen. Well, maybe they haven’t been a couple forever, but they feel like it.  
“Wanna chill?”

“Yeah, uh, sure.”  
“I didn’t interrupt you, did I?”

“Nah.” A few heavy breaths. Worrying. “Course not.” Cough. “We’ll be over soon I guess.”  
He figures he should expect it. Couples have sex. Sometimes, not couples have sex too. Like him. Shit he really needs a new focus in life.

He rubs his hands together and fetches a new book. Time to wait.

\----  
A knock on the door jolts him out of the book. It’s particularly good, he’s made it to chapter four already.

He hears a faint “it’s us” through the door.

“Sup my dudes.” He opens the door and clasp Namhyung’s hand, pulling him close and thumping him on the back.  
“N’much, man.”

“Come in.” He steps aside. Namhyung enters first, then Dongsu with another firm thump to his back.

“So, what’s up?” Donghan asks. Dongsu and Namhyung settle in on his couch and Donghan situates himself in a side chair. “How’re things?”  
“So good, really amazing.” Even though it sounds generic, he can see the love in their eyes. It’s disgusting.

“You’re disgusting.”  
“Thank you.”

A few moments pass.

“So, like, why’re we here?”  
“I just wanna…ask you some, questions?”  
“Uh, sure I guess,” Dongsu says with a shrug. “Fire away.”

He spends absolutely zero time pondering his questions. He’s been curious for a long while, but now saddled with dating rejection, he feels it’s finally time. What has he got to lose? He’s already too far gone on Taehyun. Dignity is only a social construct.

 “How’d you two start dating?”

“Well…” Namhyung starts. “I was real into him, like. A lot. And then I was all, maybe I should confess cause, like, wow I am so into him.”  
“And how’d that go.”  
“Well…I didn’t. I was too scared of busting up our friendship.” Dongsu looks so embarrassed. “But eventually, like, I couldn’t help myself. And I confessed.”  
“Y-Yep. That’s…that’s what happened, uh-huh,” Dongsu coughs. He really looks like he wants to be done with this conversation, but that doesn’t really matter to Donghan.

“And he…he accepted it?”  
“I think he was…into it.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Right, babe?”

“Haha…yeah. I…I was down.”

“And that was what happened. The rest was history.” He makes gross lovey-dovey eyes at the red Dongsu. “In love ever since.”

“Why don’t you tell me more…about what it’s like. To have your love returned?”  
“How about we eat first, yeah?”  
“Well, okay. Sounds fine.” He shrugs. “I’ll make some instant ramen? It’s all I really got.”  
Neither look disappointed, so Donghan figures it’s a go. “Awesome. I’ll start.”

He stands up with a grunt and heads over to his kitchen. Out of the corner of his eye he sees some hushed whispering and concerned stares, then Dongsu pulling out his phone and Namhyung roughly shoving it back down. He wonders if they were considering messaging Taehyun, they’re all friends after all. He huffs and bites at his lower lip.

_Well, fine. Tell him. See if I care. I don't. I don't care about anything. Take that, you assholes._

He can’t get any lower in Taehyun’s eyes anyways. There’s no real downside. It still doesn’t stop the nervous sting deep in his stomach. He reassures himself that he’s sick, that it’s the flu. The instant ramen boils next to him.

Tip tap tip.

The flu. Absolutely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me how i'm doing. am i on the right track here? i hope so aha. 
> 
> play night in the woods btw folks. it's so good. beh heh heh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mice advice from two stupid hyungs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's been like 3000 years since i've updated this. sorry folks, i've been reaaaally busy with real life (boo, lame). i'm still working on it, promise

The instant ramen is hot when he pours it into the bowls. He almost burns himself on the stove when he’s putting the pot back. Namhyung does burn himself when he tries to take a sip of the broth.

“Fuck me.”

Donghan is halfway through coughing out “idiot” when Dongsu interrupts.

“You gotta wait, you’re gonna burn yourself.” He sounds annoyed, but it’s laced with concern.

“Too late,” Namhyung laughs. Minutes pass with only the sounds of slurping and deep breaths.

“So. You wanted to ask us about love, yeah?”  
Donghan has never figured Namhyung or Dongsu to be skilled in the act of subtlety, but it still sucks when he wants to talk about a sensitive topic.

“Yeah.”

“About you and Taehyun, right?” Dongsu pauses to sniff a little and rub at his nose.  
Does everybody on the fucking planet know about it?  
“Fuckin’ Christ.”  
“I’m just being direct,” Dongsu says around a mouthful of noodles. “I mean, everybody knows ‘bout your crush.”  
“That’s awesome.”  
“But…if it makes you feel better, not many know about how it, like, turned into a sex thing. And then, like, love. Or whatever you think it is.”  
“It’s not what I _think_ it is. And how exactly do people know about it?”

Must be Sanggyun or Kenta, those goddamn snitches.

“Taehyun told us.”

Awesome.

“And _why_ would he do that?”  
Donghan hasn’t been truly angry in a long time. Maybe it’s finally his moment.

“Hey, it’s not his fault. I was the one who started the whole sharing thing. I’m, like, not even supposed to tell you about this. You’re, er, you’re not gonna tell him, right?”

“Oh yeah, totally. I can’t wait to tell _fucking Taehyun_ about my feelings for him that he’s already _very_ aware of. I can’t wait to humiliate myself even more.”

“Jeez, cool down Donghan-ah.” Namhyung wraps a protective arm around Dongsu’s shoulders.

“I, right, sorry. Yeah. I just can’t believe…I mean, I didn’t think he would…”  
Donghan frowns and stuffs his mouth full of ramen again.

“I just wasn’t expecting him to air out _my_ dirty laundry. I thought I knew him better than that.”

Dongsu frowns back at Donghan. “He just needed somebody to talk to, okay? Outside of…the group, y’know, your group. And he obviously can’t talk to Sungwoon about it, that’s just cruel.”  
“To him or me?”  
Dongsu and Namhyung are suspiciously silent. The ‘of course it’s you’ goes unsaid as they shift awkwardly.

“Right.” Donghan chuckles dryly. “Me. It’d be cruel to me. Right.”

Donghan stares down at his bowl. Empty.

“So. Love?”

Dongsu and Namhyung are staring.

“Yeah,” Donghan answers.

“Okay. So…love is like…like a bunch of meteors coming at you. It’s exhilarating and beautiful and dangerous. You want to stare, but not too close, because then you’re fucked. And you die.”

Donghan’s eyes are lidded and unimpressed. “Great analogy, Namhyung.”  
Namhyung frowns. “Listen, it sounds dumb, but it’s true. Right?”  
Donghan scrunches up his eyebrows and considers the words again. Falling in love with Taehyun was exhilarating. And dangerous. And shitty because he got too close and was obliterated in the blast.

“I guess.”

He drinks the rest of his broth and leans back. Donghan takes a few deep breaths and clenches his toes.

“How do you fall out of love?” he asks.

Namhyung sets down his empty bowl next to Donghan’s. “You don’t.”

“Great.”

Dongsu stacks his bowl on top of Namhyung’s.

“Okay, no, listen. You’ll never fall fully out of love with somebody,” Dongsu starts. Donghan is sure that his eyes must be misty, and he wipes at them miserably. “But it gets better. Eventually you accept it, that you’ll always be a little in love with somebody.”

Dongsu reaches out to rub Donghan’s back as _actual damn tears_ start dripping down his cheeks. Donghan wipes again, furiously, but the tears don’t stop. He was expecting harsh words, maybe some tough love, tell him to get over it, stop whining. But _this_ , this is worse.

“It’s okay that you’re in love with Taehyun, Donghan. It’s okay, because it’ll pass.”

“The human body is strong,” Namhyung adds. “It’s tough. You’ll get through this.”

“Give it time, your heart will fix itself.  
“Will it really?”

Donghan is sobbing at this point. It’s pretty depressing, him in his living room, crying while he’s comforted by former upperclassmen after eating instant ramen. The facts, laid out bare, just make him cry harder.  
“It will,” Dongsu soothes. “It will.”

Namhyung loops around until they’re sandwiching Donghan between them. He doesn’t make any moves to touch Donghan, but it’s his presence that matters. Dongsu rubs his back until he stops crying, when there are no more tears to give. Donghan rubs at his eyes, puffy and sore.

“You’ll be stronger because of this, Donghan.”

Donghan smiles. It’s small but heartfelt. “I know.”

They sit there, breathing deep in the quiet, until it feels like the right time to leave. The redness around Donghan’s eyes has finally started to fade as he walks Dongsu and Namhyung to the door.

“Thanks, hyungs.”  
They both smile, and their hands intertwine. “We know we’re not exactly first on your list Donghan-ah,” Namhyung says. “But we’re here for you.”

“I know.”

They wave and walk and Donghan closes the door. He thinks back to their words, their advice.

_“Your heart will fix itself.”_

He clenches his fist and pulls out his phone.

_4:55 P.M. Me: Hey, wanna come over?_

_4:59 P.M. Taehyun: You sure?_

_5:00 P.M. Donghan: Yeah. Let’s chill_

He sighs, but he’s not tired. It’s surprising. He doesn’t have to fall out of love with Taehyun, he just needs to wait. Because it’ll pass, and he’ll be stronger because of it.

_5:05 P.M. Taehyun: On my way_

Donghan smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope that this fic is gonna have a happy ending lol

**Author's Note:**

> man donghan is dumb.


End file.
